My blog feed is filled to bursting with posts and entire blogs about children, both traditionally and homeschooled, who love to read. Indeed, these children seem to both inhale and devour written material of any type. I think this is amazing. If you're one of these parents, give yourself (and your child) a pat on the back.
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| Robbie (age 3) with some of his books. |
We all have idealized visions of how our children might be as they grow. Mine was rather abstract, but I just KNEW he'd be a Southern Gentleman, an All-Boy athletic type, and a total bookworm.
He says "please" and "thank you" and uses the terms "Sir" and "Ma'am" (these last two only when I remind him). He is a rough and tumble active boy... "athletic type" might be a stretch, though. So far, so good... right?
*hangs head*
CONFESSION: My child loathes reading. Hates it with the fire of a thousand suns. Meltdowns are sure to follow any suggestion/order/plea that he read anything.
I'm pretty sure I did the things I was supposed to do. I began reading aloud to him while he was in the womb. I read to him while he was nursing. I read to him while he was playing. I read to him at bedtime. I read to him... A LOT. His family and friends read to him.... A LOT.
I surrounded him with books and gave him the freedom to touch, handle (and mangle, which I don't believe he ever did) books. We visited libraries and book shops. We discussed what we were reading and did fun projects when he wanted to. He saw me reading for myself daily, too.
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| Books! Books! Books! He's always been surrounded by books and reading. (ages 1-3) |
When he began sounding out words and wanted to know how to read, I taught him. His lesson times were pretty relaxed, since he was so very young. He thought it was the greatest thing ever.
When he finished his phonics program, he and I began to have more "shared reading" time. We were tackling chapter books that interested him and sharing the reading duties. His reading is now more independent, but we still share some of it. (I'm still reading to him, as well.)
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| Reading for fun? Not my boy. I have to force or bribe him to read these days. (ages 4-6) |
Somewhere along the way, he decided that he didn't like to read. It was gradual... beginning with small grumbles, but one day I woke and the mere mention of reading anything (even if we were to read it together) quickly snowballed into yelling and tears. Reading on his tablet makes it mildly more tolerable for him, but he still fights me.
His vision is perfect. He is a fluent, expressive reader. His comprehension and recall are astounding. I can't find anything "technical" that could be the cause. He simply does. Not. Enjoy. Reading.
ANOTHER CONFESSION: My son loves video games. No, this is NOT what I had envisioned for him, but it is a fact. My husband loves video games and comic books.... I can't control my husband's influence. I try to limit his screen time, but our current living situation (with Robbie's grandparents) makes that difficult. Grandparents seem to be indulgent by nature. (I am not looking forward to the battles I will have with my son over screen-time limits once our house is ready.)
There is no happy ending (yet). I have no resolution to this post, only a question (and a plea)..
Is there something I could and should be doing to help him enjoy reading? Is this simply beyond my control? Has anyone experienced something similar? Should I move my family to a cave and make books the only form of available entertainment? Could this be a phase?
I'd love some ideas and suggestions.
Yes, it could be a phase, and yes, it sounds like you've done everything "right." I would say keep trying to let him read things that interest him (maybe try some graphic novels), but you may have to accept the fact that people have different preferences, and he may be a person who does not like to read. If he reads well and has no problem completing assignments, I'd say you've done your job and it's just something he'll only do when he has to. My children all love to read, but I have a 10yo who JUST learned to ride her bike. I don't know why, but every time we even mentioned trying to ride a bike, she used to melt down into tears. Her older siblings and friends all rode and she wanted so badly to go out with them, but she simply did not want to get on a bike and had a meltdown every time we tried. I don't know - everyone has the things they like to do/are good at and the things they don't like to do/are not so good at. All we can do as parents is try to expose them to as many good things as possible.
ReplyDeleteOne other comment, which may be an uphill battle or impossible for you, but research has shown that boys whose dads read with them will read more as they get older. Many times if Dad doesn't like to read, boys start to associate reading with moms and female teachers as they get older, and they want to identify with the menfolk. My husband read some of this research when my boys were young and started reading things like Hardy Boys and superheroes with them - "guy" things! I think it helped a lot. Do you think Dad would be willing to read some graphic novels with him?
Thank you so much for this. I actually wondered if he thought it was a "girly" thing, since Mommy reads and Daddy doesn't (much). I think that having RockerDad read with him would be wonderful. They used to read together, but that has essentially stopped in the past year or so. I will talk with my husband (and maybe look up those studies). Thanks again!
DeleteYou know, I have a son that isn't crazy about reading, either. He's almost nine now, but he loves to read for information - by that I mean the LEGO catalog or something short and catchy that keeps his attention. His dad is exactly the same way. I don't think some people are born to be "readers" -- your son is still young, and I bet if you just strew great stuff through the house and don't push the reading, he may come to it, or show you the things he likes to read.
ReplyDeleteMy son loved the reader books about Super Mario Bros (he likes video games, too!).
Hope this helps, and thanks for linking with Collage Friday!
LOL.. Robbie reads the conversations and such on video games. He reads when it suits his purpose. Thank you!
DeleteI have a child like that, and I have just backed off. He's eight now, and enjoys me reading to him. He also reads things all across his ds screen, his AWANA workbooks and everything else he has to. I've decided that my son is just like my hubby who prefers to learn in other ways :-)
ReplyDeletePerhaps Robbie is like that. I suppose beyond reading things for school I will just have to let him find what he enjoys in his own time and continue to read to him. I don't want to push it to the point that he truly avoids it all his life.
DeleteMy son is 8 y.o. I waited until he asked me to teach him how to read. He was 6.5 y.o. when he said "Mom, I want to learn how to read." So I picked up our phonics program (hooked on phonics) and in 4 months he learned to read. By the time we got to the 2nd grade books, he said "I don't want to do this anymore. I already know how to read." And then he didn't read, I mean he didn't pick up any books and read like his bookworm 10 y.o. sister did since she was 6 y.o. We still read aloud everyday. We still had books everywhere around the house. Then about 6 months ago or so, he began picking up books and reading bits and pieces of them. Then we found some books that he really liked Odyssey stick man, Calvin and Hobbes and How to Train a Dragon series. Check out my leaning log to see what he has been reading.
ReplyDeleteHe also likes computer games just like my husband. They play a lot of thinking, spelling, strategy games.
So I say, influence him anyway you can: have tons of books around the house, find out what he likes and find books on it and read them to him, if he likes to cuddle, use cuddle time as reading time to. And then be patient. It's a good thing that your husband has some influence on your son too. After all, he will learn how to be a man with your husband.
Be at Peace... sometimes, a mom just needs to be patient. oh, now my son is asking for a reading lamp so he can read at night. :) There is hope.
Thank you so much. We used Hooked on Phonics, too. He's an excellent reader... but he has zero interest. I'm so happy to hear that your son is enjoying reading. It gives me hope!
DeleteAnother mum-of-an-8-year-old-boy-who's-not-crazy-about-reading here :-)
ReplyDeleteMy son absolutely LOVES audiobooks. We have a subscription to Audible so books work out a few pounds (dollars) each and he gets through a ton. (He's also a video gamer and he loves collecting the various listening "badges" on the Audible app.) He has an incredibly rich vocabulary thanks largely, I am sure, to the books he listens to.
This month he decided to write a 1,500 word story for NaNoWriMo. Until now he has never written more than a few lines of comic strip. Yet every day he types another chapter of his story, complete with his own spellings (which I can easily translate for him on his request!). No punctuation whatsoever (I guess that's the downside of audiobooks!) but he's asked me to sit down with him and put some in.
From what I've heard, many many boys are like this at this age. Most will begin to read material they want to when they see the need for themselves.
Oh - and on the subject of gaming, again. At age 7 my son was assessed as having a reading comprehension age of 12 - which I credit entirely to video games!
Thanks for a thought-provoking post. I'm sure the discussion you've inspired will encourage many others.
Thank you so much for taking the time to respond! It's good to know that I'm not the only one (even if it feels like that).
DeleteI don't think you have failed him at all. You've done everything right....but some kids and adults just don't want to or enjoy sitting down to read. My kids aren't huge readers either. A1 can read but she doesn't choose to do so as much as I'd like. Bedtime here is 8pm....but she's allowed to stay awake reading in bed if she likes....that's something special to her so she often will take us up on the offer (but only til 830pm).
ReplyDeleteOooh! That's a great idea. We don't have regular bedtimes right now (our living situation makes it difficult to enforce), but I think I will implement that from day 1 when we're settled in our house. Thank you!
DeleteYou are doing it all right! He is still young. I was NEVER a lover of books until I was much older and struggled also. Dont push it...keep introducing it....HE WILL Read, rest assured, might not love it, but will learn it. Keep reading to him. Whatever subjects he loves, read those books even if it's gaming magazines! Don't compare kids and worry over this. Each child is unique in their learning and passions. Keep the faith!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Melissa N. I'm hoping that it will eventually be less of a struggle, at least. He has a very high decoding and comprehension level. He reads like a champ... he just fights me about it.
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